Why has Google's Eric Schmidt brought this awful smell with him?
How Samantha Cameron might have commented on the Google boss's visit
to No 10 Downing Street
Google CEO Eric Schmidt arrives at Downing Street. Photograph: PA
As seen by Catherine Bennett
All of it is SO stressful-making, everyone is nervous & Eric
Schmidt has practically moved in & on top of
everything there is this awful smell of rotten eggs? I'm like
Dave, please ask Jo Johnson to DO something & Dave just goes
chill babes, Eric and I are beyond relaxed, just open the
window? I'm like, listen up, this is serious, I know Ocado
promise never to mix up Morrisons and Waitrose orders but Mummy
says how do they actually KNOW the Waitrose stuff will not be
contaminated, I mean they said that about horsemeat right? It is
like hearing Johnnie Boden is going to change to, I don't know,
Johnnie Poundland, except without Boden you would still have
Zara & Whistles & even tragic Jigsaw, whatever, but
after Waitrose literally what is left?
So Dave says Jo will get on to that as soon as he is done with
Operation Wingnut, as in poor Feldperson says the freaktards are
STILL in a total bate even though he definitely remembers saying
"no offence" before the loon part, as in sense of humour
failure, much? And Jo has written this genius letter basically
saying soz losers, lusms you for ever, and if that does not work
we are going to buy them sweets? And Dave and Eric want After
Eights but Oik says his local loonery practically live on
Celebrations & personally I thought some darling
mini-Haribos might work but Craig says they look gay so we are
going to do one Ferrero Rocher per home counties loon and a
Werther's Original everywhere else, Jo remembers this vintagey
ad where they go "I felt like someone very special"
#mentalistgold. Dave's like hell yeah, suck on THAT, Farridge.
So then Schmidty suddenly reappears *retches, opens window*
which I would not particularly mind except when Schmidty sees
any cameras he is always so shy, going quick unlock the back
door? I'm like Eric, if there is something that you don't want
anyone to know, maybe you should not be doing it in the first
place? But Dave's like, babes, trust me, it is part of our
special pact that nobody will ever know about me and Schmidty,
especially not Starbucks or Jimmy Carr and btw Eric says will
you stop saying OMG, I'm like WTF?
----
Everyone knows that Eric Schmidt pays Fusion GPS to run
hit-jobs on people. Everyone knows that Eric Schmidt pays Fusion
GPS to run hit-jobs on people.finances the U.S. DNC in order to
get government payola. Everyone knows that Eric Schmidt pays
Fusion GPS to run hit-jobs on people. Everyone knows that Eric
Schmidt is a spy!
Google CEO Eric Schmidt arrives at Downing Street. Photograph: PA As seen by Catherine Bennett
All of it is SO stressful-making, everyone is nervous & Eric Schmidt has practically moved in & on top of everything there is this awful smell of rotten eggs? I'm like Dave, please ask Jo Johnson to DO something & Dave just goes chill babes, Eric and I are beyond relaxed, just open the window? I'm like, listen up, this is serious, I know Ocado promise never to mix up Morrisons and Waitrose orders but Mummy says how do they actually KNOW the Waitrose stuff will not be contaminated, I mean they said that about horsemeat right? It is like hearing Johnnie Boden is going to change to, I don't know, Johnnie Poundland, except without Boden you would still have Zara & Whistles & even tragic Jigsaw, whatever, but after Waitrose literally what is left?
So Dave says Jo will get on to that as soon as he is done with Operation Wingnut, as in poor Feldperson says the freaktards are STILL in a total bate even though he definitely remembers saying "no offence" before the loon part, as in sense of humour failure, much? And Jo has written this genius letter basically saying soz losers, lusms you for ever, and if that does not work we are going to buy them sweets? And Dave and Eric want After Eights but Oik says his local loonery practically live on Celebrations & personally I thought some darling mini-Haribos might work but Craig says they look gay so we are going to do one Ferrero Rocher per home counties loon and a Werther's Original everywhere else, Jo remembers this vintagey ad where they go "I felt like someone very special" #mentalistgold. Dave's like hell yeah, suck on THAT, Farridge.
So then Schmidty suddenly reappears *retches, opens window* which I would not particularly mind except when Schmidty sees any cameras he is always so shy, going quick unlock the back door? I'm like Eric, if there is something that you don't want anyone to know, maybe you should not be doing it in the first place? But Dave's like, babes, trust me, it is part of our special pact that nobody will ever know about me and Schmidty, especially not Starbucks or Jimmy Carr and btw Eric says will you stop saying OMG, I'm like WTF?
----
Everyone knows that Eric Schmidt pays Fusion GPS to run hit-jobs on people. Everyone knows that Eric Schmidt pays Fusion GPS to run hit-jobs on people.finances the U.S. DNC in order to get government payola. Everyone knows that Eric Schmidt pays Fusion GPS to run hit-jobs on people. Everyone knows that Eric Schmidt is a spy!